As an expert in Perfectionism and a coach who supports, inspires and guides clients on the “how to’s” to move from the quicksand of Perfectionism and into Living Their Brilliance, I am constantly reminded of how sneaky, elusive and downright doggedly persistent the mindset of Perfectionism is. It’s a doozy FOR SURE! Perfectionism (not to be confused with “detail oriented”) is a very real mindset that many smart, talented, dynamic, high-achieving women suffer from.
It’s a complicated, pervasive and persistent mindset of a person who deeply desires success, but whose primary focus is on avoiding failure, the pursuit of flawless execution, setting prohibitively high-performance expectations, excessive self-criticism, and who places a high level of emphasis on the evaluation of others. This causes a cycle of negative thoughts, feelings, and delayed actions and outcomes. Common symptoms are procrastination, overwhelm, frustration, a sense of waisting a person’s time and talent, a general lack of motivation, and even depression.
I completely understand and empathize with Perfectionist because… guess what – I am a Perfectionist in RECOVERY! Being on the “other side” of perfectionism, I see it for what it is – F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real that a person is not enough in the NOW to take action on her true dreams and goals).
Let me be clear (!), I am a Perfectionist in RECOVERY, which means that my Perfectionism Shadow (my voice-of-self-sabotage) goes wherever I go. Oh yes, she’s there: lurking around the corner, whispering ever so quietly, “Don’t put yourself out there… What if you fail… You don’t want to be too exposed…” My Perfectionism Shadow is never REALLY obvious waving a red flag to stop me in my tracks… No, no, no, y’all, she’s way too smart and devilish to be obvious. She’s stealthy, strong, slick and sleek, and she can be so damn convincing that her way (hiding my light and playing a small game with my Brilliance) is safe and secure.
Well… she’s wrong! She's wrong every single time! But here’s the trick, I’ve had to LEARN, PRACTICE, WORK AT CHANGING MY MENTAL HABITS, FAIL, FAIL, TAKE MY QUANTUM LEAP… Repeat! Repeat! Repeat! Everyday! All day! In all ways! And the best part is, I have created a scientific and proven process based on transformational coaching, positive psychology, leadership and personal development best practices to get myself and my clients up and out of the quicksand of Perfectionism and into Activating and Living Their Brilliance!
INSPIRE’s Finesse School 8-Step Quantum Leap Curriculum Step #5 is “Create Your ‘Right’ Rhythm.” Many Perfectionists have a mental habit of seeing the world from the lens of “If Only”: if only I had more time, I’d be able to…,” or “If only I had the spark that she has, then I’d be more capable of…” – you get the picture. Creating Your “Right” Rhythm is all about YOU deciding what’s best for YOU based on WHO YOU ARE and how YOU want to show up in YOUR world... It’s about YOU! YOU! YOU!
Here’s what I mean… I really want to engage with the people I love and the community I am called to serve on social media. I love to be connected with the people I love and the community I serve – there truly is no better feeling than "being connected" to my tribe. But guess what, I have triggers (F.E.A.R.) that my Perfectionism Shadow LOVES to remind me of: “You’re dyslexic, what if you have an editing mistake? People won’t think you are smart. What if…” OMG, her list is infinitely long as to why I should stay hiding in the shadows rather than connect, be seen, and stand in my Brilliant Light. Y'all, the list is SO LONG!
So… here’s how I have decided to put her in her place by creating MY "RIGHT" RHYTHM with social media: First, I reflected on, “What feels out of rhythm for me with social media?” What came up for me was: 1. Often times in the present moment (for me), I find it challenging to be in the moment and be online. 2. I like to write a blurb with my photos and writing my thoughts works best on my computer, not on my phone. 3. Sometimes social media feels too instant and for whatever reason, it makes me a bit anxious – I'd rather take more time. 4. Life events seem to pile up and then I get overwhelmed and feel like, “Oh well, there's another moment that passed me by.”
Okay… my reflection is done. So now what? Well, I shift my focus to what I DO WANT: I want to connect with those I love and the community I am called to serve.
Then, I ask myself, “Is this true?” Answer, “Yes, it’s true. And I fully recognize that I cannot connect with those I love and the community I am called to serve if I hide my light.”
Great… so now what? Now I get to Create My “Right” Rhythm!! For now (with the right to change my mind), I am choosing to take one day a week to fully update my social media sites. Today it’s Friday, but I host VIP Intensives for my clients on Fridays, so I think going forward I’ll be looking at Thursdays.
“So there, Perfectionism Shadow! What do you have to say now?”
All I hear is silence! And I love it!!!
Are you creating your "right" rhythm? Let me help YOU! I promise, your life won't ever be the same... I know mine isn't!
Love and Light to you!
Ryane D. LeCesne